“Don’t Tell Kathy” Shed Chili

Grandma had a way of hiding her treasures in the strangest of places. Forget recipe boxes or kitchen drawers—this time I found her secret chili formula in the tool shed.

There it was, a folded, slightly greasy card, tucked on a shelf behind the old pepper picker (you know, the one with the squeaky hinge that always pinches your fingers when you try to close it). Written in her looping cursive:

“Don’t Tell Kathy.”

I don’t know what Kathy did to earn chili exile, but judging from the ingredient list, Grandma wasn’t playing games.

The Shed Discovery

The recipe was pure Grandma: equal parts simplicity and danger. Chili powder, smoked paprika, a mountain of beans, and a commandment written in the margins: “Use fresh peppers only.”

As I read it under the dusty lightbulb of the shed, I felt like I’d uncovered buried treasure. A secret spice map that led not to gold, but to glorious bubbling pots of comfort.

When the Heat Hits Back

Cooking the chili was a whole experience. At first, the simmering pot was tame—just beans, tomatoes, garlic, and onion, humming softly on the stove. But then came the peppers. I used fresh jalapeños, serranos, and one scotch bonnet for bravado.

As the mixture simmered, the house slowly filled with an invisible cloud of spicy defiance. Eyes watering, throat tingling—I wasn’t just making chili, I was training for the world’s least glamorous boxing match with capsaicin itself.

Grandma must’ve known. She always did. The note at the bottom of the card read: “If you cough, you did it right.”

Grandma’s “Don’t Tell Kathy” Shed Chili

Ingredients

• 1 lb (450 g) ground beef (or a beef/pork mix)

• 2 cans (15 oz each) kidney beans, drained

• 1 can (15 oz) black beans, drained

• 1 large can (28 oz) crushed tomatoes

• 1 large onion, diced

• 4 fresh jalapeños, diced

• 2 serrano peppers, thinly sliced

• 1 scotch bonnet pepper, seeded & chopped (optional, for daredevils)

• 4 cloves garlic, minced

• 3 tbsp chili powder

• 1 tbsp smoked paprika

• 1 tsp ground cumin

• 2 tsp salt (adjust to taste)

• 1 tsp black pepper

• 2 tbsp olive oil

• 1 cup beef broth

Instructions

1. Heat oil in a large pot, sauté onion and garlic until fragrant.

2. Add ground beef and cook until browned.

3. Stir in peppers, chili powder, paprika, cumin, salt, and black pepper. Cook until peppers soften slightly.

4. Add beans, tomatoes, and broth. Stir, bring to a simmer.

5. Cook uncovered on low heat for 45–60 minutes, stirring occasionally, until thickened and aromatic.

Best served with cornbread, extra napkins, and maybe a box fan blowing the spice fog away from your eyes.

And if Kathy asks? Smile sweetly and say, “Oh, just something I found in the shed.”